DHL…I’ve never had much luck with DHL as a shipping company. Why? It seems that their company motto is, ‘Don’t find us, we’ll find you’. That’s been my experience, at least. My insurance replacement phone was sent quickly, more quickly than I was told, and I had it sent C.O.D. to pay the deductible, like people used to do in the old days since I don’t rock a credit card. This is just another example of how unAmerican I am to not run through life on credit cards. But back to the mystery of DHL..
I missed the delivery after pulling an all-nighter finishing a proposal for work. About mid-afternoon, I talked to my roommate who told me that I can get my package ‘between 5 and 5:45 out by the airport’, so I hit the trail for a quick run and embark on the journey ‘out by the airport’ to get my phone. The mission was complicated by not having a phone. And, further complicated by the fact that DHL didn’t leave a slip and doesn’t have a listing in either phone book, yellow or white pages. I google them. What comes up is “Broadway”, but East, not near the airport which is West, so I start at the airport anyway and drive the length of Broadway til I hit the listing, 1001 E Broadway. It’s a shopping center with an Albertson’s and a little Shipping Depot and it’s now 5:47pm. I explain to the guy that I missed my package and have to get it and get my money order to them…where the heck do I go? He tells me the DHL guy hasn’t been by yet and I should wait. DHL guy gets there and says it’s his first day and “I didn’t anticipate something like this OR ALL THESE DAMN PACKAGES THAT I HAVE TO CARRY”. I’m confused. Did DHL tell him something altogether different during the interview? How illusive is this company? Did they even have an interview with this guy? WHO IS THIS DHL IN THE SKY SOMEWHERE and what are they doing?? …I’m beginning to think DHL is up to something grander all of a sudden. I snap out of my paranoia and get frustrated. Really frustrated. I even choke back tears I’m so frustrated because the guy is telling me over and over how he hates packages and I NEED TO LEAVE HIM MY PHONE NUMBER! so his supervisor can get ahold of me. Finally, I snap and say, “You’re not understanding me. If I leave you my phone number, you’ll be calling my package.”.
I write a note, place the money order in it, make copies at the Shipping Depot, and will now wait for this DHL entity to come to me, like a cat that doesn’t like to be held.
Later, I’m coming back from the Good Food Store, going just above the speed limit at 28 mph after getting a speeding ticket last week. Turns out, I was wrong. People in Missoula don’t drive slow cuz they don’t have anywhere to be or don’t know how to drive with a purpose, they drive slowly because you get ticketed if you don’t. In any event, a car rushes me from behind, about 4 feet from my back bumper, so close that I can’t even see his headlights in my rearview. I am determined not to speed it up, especially after he honks and honks and hooooooooooooooooooooooooonks. I hit the brakes because I am like that. To my surprise, it escalates. I take it down to 13 mph, not understanding what he wants. I guess I mistakenly thought he was warning me that I may be going too fast. We arrive at the stoplight, head to head, him turning left and me going straight. I stare at him and then calmly give him the finger. He has a handicapped sticker in his rearview mirror which may make me feel a tinge of guilt, but not in this case, so I continue starring. Then it dawned on me. I bet this guy is somehow affiliated with DHL and am more puzzled than ever about this company.
BB
I love reading your blog.
Have you ever tried to use your turn signal on tail gaters? It works. You just flick it on and they back off. I dont know why but it works like a charm and is a passive way to get them to back off.
The ending: I see the DHL van in front of my friend’s bike shop so I pull over the Dodge Turbo Diesel Flatbed I was driving and wait by his van. For 20 minutes. I get frustrated again, then leave, and as I turn the corner, THERE GOES THE DAMN VAN. I think of screaming after him but continue on to my house instead. There, I find the package.
Unreal.
A fantastic site, and brilliant effort. A great piece of work.