Talking to Jake today he reminded me, “look. You’re coming to Flag, the theme party capital of the world on the theme party night of the year. You better bring your A game or you’ll be run out of town.”. I knew this already. Halloween stresses me out. Always has. As the ‘creative person’ (nuts person) I have claimed to be, I crack under the costume brainstorming pressure and end up going as a Lame-o. Actually, what generally happens is this: I get tanked. I end up as the drunk girl, who’s no longer stressed out, dressed as a ‘what, I don’t get it?….ha. oh.’.

My favorite Halloween was my second year of college when I went as the ‘girl that did The Century Club’ before dressing up. I never did dress up. But went out to a party dressed in the sweats I had just ‘taken a nap’ in. My next favorite was the time I smoked pot that had something in it my third year in college and I was dressed as ‘the paranoid girl that hates pot’. Then the time I had a feeling my boyfriend was gay (later confirmed) and went as a cavewoman in Bozeman. I was so in-character that I forgot to wear shoes and ended up walking the three miles home that night. It was 20 degrees and snowing outside. Wait! no… My very favorite of favorites was when I broke off my relationship of seven years and found myself at a couples’ costume party. I don’t even remember what I was supposed to be but ended up in the ‘only single person there awkwardly downing martinis like they were shot-gunned beers’ costume then later changed to the ‘girl that desparately called KJ to come and save her and take her to the dance floor where she was too drunk to do anything but stand in the middle of the dance floor and look around’. I later changed again to ‘the girl that got rid of the demons all All Saint’s Day’. My Halloween track record is, well, dicey at best.

So, what to be? I figure, like when Rick Crawford tried to coach me into a climber when I’m a good 30 pounds heavier than the climbers at my lightest, why fight nature and be anything but a power rider? Why fight nature and be anything but a drunk spoiled girl? I’m going as Paris. And, oddly, I didn’t have to spend anything but $2.99 on a stuffed dog to shove in my purse.

Go with what you know. Don’t stress. And don’t take apples from strangers, or anything from anyone in Tucson.

Happy Boo-Day.

BB

I am not the most scientific athlete. I don’t have a PowerTap, no bike computer, no watch, no calendar. I’m tired of not riding my bike, so I think I might start for real this morning.

The other day, I was riding on River, descending down this little rise, among traffic, and my orthepedic saint, aka Joel Thompson, appears in his car to my right getting ready to turn onto Swan. I reach out and shake his hand and we roll down together. There are maybe seven people I trust enough to do this: him, Rubelt, Ina, Karl H, Bega, Sheebie, and maybe Hartley. I remembered that I like my Cannondale. A lot. It just made me laugh. And feel really good. And for some reason, it made me think about the World Cups in Australia. (more…)

Can a guy get famous and rich for soley being an asshole. Only in America can a guy preach on FOX News that he wants cultural integrity in the form of limiting what we listen to and watch, yet steal the ideology and all but plagerize Hunter’s book, Culture Wars, by renaming the spectacle Culture Warrior, only adding a personal opinion to it, in order to feed his ego and his pocketbook. Only in America can Bill O’Reilly become an icon and only in America do people actually listen to him and pay for him to be a blowhard (yea, I said, ‘blowhard’). (more…)

Where I come from, that would be talking about Orange Crush, Diet Coke, Pepsi, that sort of thing. I’m not talking about pop. I’m talking about stuff that matters: that which burrows into our minds and makes a mess of ‘em. What the world watches. What I watch, too. Shamelessly.
The World Series: I care when is matters, sort of. Like tonight, I discovered who is actually in the Series. I always think about who I know in the cities represented and with this one, the best I could come up with was a fight between Schmatz and Nikki Raspa. I think Nik would win in game seven. It would be a lame series, too. With a lot of sarcasm, no hits, a few wise-cracks and a few laughs here and there.

Tom Cruise: Sucks.

Madonna: Has a British Accent all of a sudden? Isn’t she from Detriot? (more…)

I saw him, thought for a minute, then tried to catch him in a yogurt container. He wobbled off, fast, and I saw all of his internal organs through his skin and eyes that were about half the size of him. I think I might have to get used to the idea that he is here indefinitely.

Welcome to the Wild Adventures of the Tucson Animal Kingdom.

Today took the cake in terms of wild beasts. I had a big house to myself, up in the Tucson Mountains, to be exact, and was working on a fireplace project. The garage door was my only door, as the other doors were on alarm. I opened up the door, having been warned about a ‘big lizard problem’ and heard the screaming, squaaking, screetching (more…)

I lost my tooth again. Wait, backup. It’s not that dramatic. My freaky genetic map made it so I was born missing some teeth, so I have a couple cemented in. I think when I’m stressed a little I end up grinding my teeth and out one pops. It’s not funny really. But, I’m getting more and more used to the potential of it falling out spontaniously and me going from normal to meth head in a heartbeat. (more…)

  

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I get random press releases, and as is apparent in this photo, surely, because I am a well-respected and hard-working member of the cycling press.

Here’s the News, Folks, as it trickles in:

Top Headlines and Partial Stories—

Promoters of The Tour Of California and The Tour of Georgia Announce The Tour of Missouri.

Recent Poll Indicates that Members of Men’s Professional Peloton Announce that ‘Huff Can Have It Because They Aren’t Too Sure About Missouri’.

Missouri Sucks Campaign Stymied by Cycling Organizers

Professional Women Cyclists Wonder When The Hell They Might Get A Cool Race, or Any Race For That Matter

Recent Poll Indicates that Members of Women’s Professional Peloton Would be Thrilled to Have a Tour of North Dakota

North Dakota Is Beautifully Stark Campaign Thrilled That North Dakota Got Mentioned on Someone’s Lame Blog

www.thebikegame.com Signs Guest Gamer, Becky Broeder as Frequent Contributor

Studies Show That If You Add Enough Shit to Anything then Weed, Good Stuff Grows Out of the Mess if One is Patient

Health Alert: Spinach Spotted at the AJ’s Salad Bar

Productivity Report: Pro Cycling Correspondent In The Field Sent This Itemized List For Consideration For Services Rendered: ‘ …i just bought 1000 feet of trim, and 700 feet of wood siding today, a washer, pedestal sink , a tub, toilet, 22 windows, 9 doors, a furnace, 8 oak kitchen cabinets, countertop 130 sheets of drywall, 600 feet of insulation, 200 feet of new baseboard heating elements enclosed in trim, countless f-ng pieces of lumber, two rolls of tyvek (that shits expensive), prolly 300 dollars in nails and screws, 9 trips to dump with our truck and trailer, 130 hours of a constant fire burning shit, 25 cinder blocks, two 6 foot high, by thirty food dumpsters full of shit to dump before we bought trailer, 100 feet of various pvc pipe, 100 food of copper pipe, 35 caulks, 4 f-ing tape measures cuz they break, 2 hoes cuz the break, and a sawzall.”

Weather: Warm and Sunny For the 292th Day This Year

Sports: El Tour Is Coming. Racers Run For Cover. Riders Ride All Over the Place.

That’s the News If You Choose,
BB

The Rules. Or, the rules when you’re sticking it to The Man, or, more specifically, when a private art school is holding your transcript ransom due to their own admitted negligence.

Rule #1: Never Cry in meetings at Fight Club.

Rule #2: Never sign anything while crying in meetings in Fight Club. (more…)

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I am often on a mission for more knowledge. Here are the gems I picked up this weekend:

*Throw in ‘Tucson‘, ‘Tucson Cycling’ or ‘Tucson Characters’, as tags in any search engine and you will get Ron Hudson or better yet, Marco Rullo. I can’t describe him right now if you don’t know him already. I actually, go figure, really like the guy. I was on a rare bicycle ride on Saturday and the thought crossed my mind, “wonder if Ron is still kickin’ around”. Yes. He won Mount Graham a couple weeks ago and the Tucson Citizen interviewed the “Italian” from Compton from Minot , ND. He compared the race to the racing he’s done in the Dolomites.

*When hiking with Germans you can actually climb a fire tower (more…)